Fairy Circle Read online

  Behind her, her body slumped on the mattress.

  Her entire soul levitated to the ceiling, moving as she rose so that she no longer was in a seated position, but hovered belly-down above the bed, seeing her stuffed panda in the rocking chair below her.

  All of the windows in her room flew open without the usual moan of forced wood. Saffron coursed along the ceiling, then down and out into the waiting night. A gust of wind shrieked past her ears. She hung suspended above the crooked apple tree just for a moment before the pull in her gut strengthened, and soon she found herself coasting at high speed above the earth. Up ahead she saw a herd of deer leaping for the cover of the trees.

  The voices that surrounded her told her to relax, to enjoy the ride, but not to be concerned with milestones or markers. She wasn’t meant to know where she was going and therefore would never know. She flew across forests and lakes, mountains and oceans. She drifted in and out of semi-consciousness. Sometimes she rode the wave on her stomach and sometimes she spiraled slowly through space, her hair wrapping about her shoulders.

  After an indeterminable amount of time - it could’ve been moments or hours - small hands grabbed at her fingers. She started to descend. Her feet drifted down until she was standing upright in the air, her hair snapping around her like crimson ribbons.

  She touched down on a bed of brown needles surrounded by towering pines that crowded like stanchions. Lights swirled and bobbled in front of her, in back of her. All around her the trees sighed and grunted, moaned and snored. She blinked once, then looked sidelong at the massive tree to her immediate right. She took two steps away from it.

  One of the phosphorescent globes stopped to hang in front of her face. Saffron heard a giggle, then the light zigzagged away. Some of the other orbs lowered to the forest floor. Their glow was soft, like tiny, solar-powered bulbs. Then the lights began to pop in showers. In the place of each little explosion stood a magnificent person - a fairy - with iridescent skin. Their glow came from the inside, and twinkled out from every pore. They were all taller than she was.

  The one closest to Saffron turned to smile back at a friend. The being had great silvery wings, mottled as rice paper and veined with the same fuzzy radiance. The wings arched high over her head, curved down above her buttocks, then molded with the skin on her back.

  Saffron couldn’t decide if they were boys and girls or men and women. Their ages seemed to swim and change as she watched them. When they giggled at her, they seemed no more than five years old; but when they smiled at her, it was the proud grin of a parent looking down upon a cherished child.

  Their lips were plump and red, pert as cupids, but their murmuring was sophisticated; their fathomless, bright eyes seemed at once silly, wise, and ancient. They each had different colored eyes, every hue, and shine. Some like jewels, some like metal. But the line of color was slim; it roped around the great black holes that were their pupils. Pupils so large they looked owlish.

  The skin was completely transparent on some, while others had skin like the underbelly of a frog, milky-white and thin, so that in all of them you could see the network of veins and the lines of bones pulsing and working. Some had amber-bottle glass skin, some wild blue, and others, sea green. One even had licorice-black skin with golden veins vibrating in her wings, in her arms, across her chest and down her legs. The material that covered them wasn’t like any material Saffron had ever seen. She couldn’t figure what it was, but would later be told it was a weave of millions of tiny, impossibly-stretched filament taken from a “glass spider” that lived only within their boundaries.

  More tall fairies came out of the woods, holding lanterns, radiating the gathering group in a cave of fluttering light. And everywhere Saffron looked, she made eye contact with the creatures. She felt a jolt and a ping each time. A flash of recognition. A nostalgic longing. Emotions that clutched at her throat and brought tears. In her life, she had never felt like this. She wanted to touch them, all of them, and be held by them.

  She turned around, and in that moment there was no time, no air, no sound - only the man that stood ten feet away from her. He never spoke and never moved; yet Saffron felt her entire body react to him a swell of fury, a tightening of lust, an aching of loss. She became completely flustered, unable to think; and lacking a better reaction, she turned her back on him. When words finally fell from her lips, they came dry and hushed as if she’d been wandering the desert without water for a million years.

  “What?” She addressed no one in particular. A woman in white walked forward. Or rather, a woman that was white, all white, walked forward. Saffron gasped. The fairy smiled. Long, white hair drifted like a cloud around her small, white shoulders, while glass lips held in check many small pearly teeth. Her voice was low and warm.

  “Saffron. You are here because you have asked us to bring you here.” She reached forward with a thin, bleached hand to pinch one of Saffron’s fiery, banana curls. Her eyes were dominated by pupils so large, and so black that Saffron felt her consciousness start to slip as she stared into the creature’s eyes.

  “Shouldn’t I remember that?” Saffron murmured. “I think I’d remember asking to come here. Where am I? And why are you all so tall?”

  The white fairy offered her graceful hand to hold. “Come along, my friend. We will explain at the feast.”

  The crowd moved together through the trees. Saffron looked back over her shoulder just in time to see a fairy with gold hair and flecks of white and silver flashing around in her body as if she were a snow globe. The fairy shot her forked tongue out of her mouth to entwine a fat beetle that was scurrying up the side of a pine. Some sap stuck to the hairy leg she couldn’t quite fit in her mouth and for a moment it formed a golden bridge between the beetle and the tree before it bowed and broke. She helped the still-moving leg into her mouth with one long finger, then changed size and became a small ball of light and moved off.

  Saffron stumbled on a tree root and looked with wide-eyes at the white fairy, who steadied her. “That girl back there just ate something off the tree. A bug or something, I think.”

  The white fairy smiled down at Saffron and reached to pet her hair.

  Saffron hunched while she walked and thought, ‘whatever.’ Humans ate bugs, big bugs. So it wouldn’t have mattered if that fairy did eat that bug, which she probably didn’t. It was dark on this path and it wouldn’t have been the first time that Saffron imagined something so outrageous. She bit the inside of her cheek and kept her eyes averted from the movement in the shadows that they passed on either side.

  They emerged into a wide glade. At its center was a bonfire. Full-sized fairies danced around the inferno and drank from golden goblets. They called to Saffron to join them. They flew into the trees and called from the boughs - their wings fluttering and drink sloshing from their cups. Flute players and horn players sat high in the boughs, playing in bursts and squeals. Throughout the trees and down the paths that disappeared from the center of the glade were strung hollowed-out gourds. They had been punched with tiny holes and inside, fireflies blinked on and off.

  “Come dance with us!” the fairies cried.

  She took a step forward, then saw the male fairy with the black, wavy hair coming straight toward her. He came quick and sure, alarming her and causing her to back away from him until she bumped into a tree. She pressed as far away from him as she could, but he moved right into her space and stood breathing down on her. He reached forward and grazed the back of his hand down the side of her breast. Her eyes flitted around. Thankfully, nobody seemed to be watching them. He pulled back from her but less than an inch.

  “Do you know who I am?” He tilted his head, stared at her and she knew it wasn’t long before he would reach forward, bite her face, and eat her while she screamed. She blinked in staccato bursts and looked away.

  He murmured, ��Ah, you do know. You know something.” His voice was husky as if he was having her right then, in the middle of the party, up against th
e tree. He moaned, then spoke.

  “I have known you as Rosemary and Iris. I have known you as Daisy and Lily, as Hyacinth and Violet. As Lotus. Sharon. Olive. I have known you as Suchamina and Locsunti - one an ancient flower and one an ancient spice - both long extinct. I have always known you.” He fisted some of her hair and pulled, slowly, until her head tilted completely to one side.

  She started breathing hard, snorting air through her nostrils as if she were a foaling mare. She looked at the other fairies - they were oblivious. She looked at the surrounding trees - they ignored her. She looked to the sky but couldn’t see it beyond the black canopy of the trees. She wanted someone to help her, and at the same time, prayed no one was witness to her extreme humiliation.

  He continued to stare down at her, to breathe on her. She thought about moving toward him. It seemed to be what he wanted. Panic bloomed and swelled her throat. She wanted to be away from him and quick, before he touched her again. She bit into her lip, her eyetooth almost slicing into her skin. She mustered every ounce of energy she could and took one step to the right. He didn’t reach out to stop her, so she took one more step muttering, “No, thank you,” as she stumbled away over the roots of the tree.

  When she was five feet away, she stopped sidling and turned toward the fire. She saw something on the spit there. A small form, fat, with thick limbs and a big head. She looked away quickly, and back again. There was no spit. She hunched and clutched her arms over her breasts, her head feeling like a barely-tethered balloon.

  Fairies grabbed at her hands, bringing her into their dance. She high-stepped and tripped and was totally unaware of herself. They laughed at her funny dance and tried to imitate her. Soon the whole crowd of them was high-stepping, bobbing and weaving to the music. She didn’t even realize it. Once, she dared to look back at the tree where he had pinned her. He was gone.

  The dancers joined hands and ringed round and round the fire. Then without preamble, the ring broke. One fairy became the leader of a long dancing line filled with glowing and winged creatures, and one human with wild red hair. The leader took them around the trees, in and out of shadows, by the inferno and circled back. They held fast to Saffron’s hand, pulling her closer and closer to the fire as one by one they walked right through the flames. Saffron’s haze lifted when she finally realized that they meant for her to traipse through the flames as well. In seconds, she found herself before the fire as it spit and roared.

  “No!” she screamed. The flute playing ceased, as did the gay chatting of the fairies. After two drawn-out seconds of silence, murmuring started among the fairies, then some giggling. The white fairy came forward, took Saffron out of the line, and spoke to her gently, flames reflected in the shiny, black pools of her eyes.

  “The flames will not hurt you, Saffron. You can dance with the rest.”

  Saffron pulled her chin into her chest. “No, thank you,” she mumbled.

  The white fairy rubbed Saffron’s back, smiled as she looked down. “Saffron, I care for you deeply. I would never put you in the way of harm. I tell you; the flames will not hurt you. See here.”

  Saffron looked down at her stomach and screamed. Again, every single fairy in the glade stopped to stare. What she saw was the wiggling fingers of the white fairy as they poked out from her midriff. “Wha…” Saffron couldn’t tear her eyes from the moving fingers.

  The white fairy snapped her thumb and middle finger, then pulled her hand back. Saffron never felt a thing.

  “You did not know I was going to do that. Therefore, you felt nothing.”

  “Great,” Saffron muttered as she absently caressed her belly. “Great.”

  “It is like this. Your physical body is not here with us. Your physical body is safe in bed. You are here only in spirit. However, the memory of your body is still very strong within you. If you fear pain, you will feel pain. You will only as long as you want to.”

  “What do you mean, ‘want to,’ who ‘wants to’ feel pain?” Saffron sighed.

  “Humans are defined by the pain they suffer,” the white fairy whispered, and then she reached for Saffron’s cheek and stroked it. “Do not fear the pain. Expect nothing, you will feel nothing.

  Saffron blinked to clear her eyes. She murmured to the pine needles around her feet. “I think I understand. My uncle lost his leg, a long time ago, and sometimes he complains that he can still feel pain in his foot. ‘Phantom pain,’ he calls it. Is it the same for me?”

  The white fairy inclined her head, “It could be. Yes, think of it that way.”

  “Huh. But I don’t want to go through that fire.” Saffron took another step back.

  “No, of course not, sweet lamb.”

  Saffron smiled gratefully at the fairy and took her hand. They strode away from the flames.

  “What’s your name?” Saffron smiled at the fairy, could feel the puppy love starting, like the time she was absolutely in love with her first grade teacher, Mrs. Mulberry. The perfect woman who encouraged her, brought in homemade cookies for the class on Fridays, and always gave Saffron the biggest hugs.

  The fairy’s smile was brief. “I am Li.” She didn’t look at Saffron when she spoke but kept her eyes firmly on the path before her.

  “You know what’s weird? I feel like I should’ve known that, like I should know you.” Saffron shook her head. “But I don’t.”

  “And you were talking to my brother, Ny, over by the tree.”

  Saffron felt heat sear the back of her neck, felt her nostrils flare. She kept her eyes on the ground and said nothing. Her brother? No, that wasn’t right either.

  A large gong sounded and voices shouted, “Eat, eat! This human child cannot dance all night without a feast to fuel her!” There were hearty laughs and playful squeals. A banquet table appeared, covered by long swaths of silvery, billowing fabric. Two more tables followed and simple wooden benches. They accommodated everyone who swooped in, walked forward, and emerged from the trees. The tables set themselves with golden forks, spoons, and knives. Delicate plates clinked carefully into place. Great rustic vases filled with wild, dark roses, pine boughs, and twigs with red berries were placed every couple of feet across the tabletops.

  Roasted turkeys appeared, brown and sizzling. Tender sides of beef and braised rabbits garnished with mint. Rosemary herbed potatoes and freshly baked bread followed brightly colored vegetables and fruit. The fairies were filling their plates, artfully too, arranging the brightness of the vegetables and the textures of the meats in beautiful display, but eating nothing. She noticed also that at any moment several fairies were missing from their places only to come back minutes later. Then another handful disappeared into the trees, like the kids who snuck away from class to smoke pot and slunk back in, quiet and glassy-eyed. Saffron frowned and looked down at her plate.

  After the meal, some of the fairy girls gathered about Saffron, taking up lengths of her fiery hair, winding it and securing it with tiny, golden combs at the base of her neck. “Did you enjoy the food? The meat, was it cooked perfectly?”

  “I couldn’t really taste it.” The fairy who questioned Saffron was freaking her out with her large, black pupils ringed in viscous gold. Before Saffron could say anything else….

  “And, how was it on your tongue? Tell me how it felt - how all of it felt. Tell Li you want to come here in body.”

  Saffron sucked in a breath and quickly turned away from the odd request and the girl with the gold eyes who’d made it.

  A gilded mirror was brought so she could watch them work on her hair. After, they tore apart roses from the closest vase and fit the petals on Saffron’s scalp like a cap, her curled and pinned tresses flowing out behind. They kissed the top of her head and congratulated themselves on a job well done.

  The gold-eyed girl moved close to Saffron’s ear. “I will have what you have.” Saffron frowned and shrunk away.

  Li appeared behind Saffron, smiling wide. “Come with me.”

  They walked away from the dan
cers over to a dark chestnut tree with great, low limbs. It was difficult for Saffron to hop on the limb, so Li took her in her arms, flew her up to the widest branch, and held on while Saffron adjusted her balance. Then Li sat beside Saffron and stroked her cheek.

  “You can feel this, can you not?”

  Saffron nodded.

  “It is the memories within your soul. You want to feel my hand against your cheek.”

  Saffron closed her eyes.

  The white fairy continued to talk, hushed and sweet, in a foreign language whose sounds curled and rang. It was a language that sang like the wind in the treetops and was warm as the sun on a green spring afternoon. Saffron didn’t understand any of it but the tone soothed her.

  “I like being here,” Saffron admitted. “But it’s totally weird too.”

  The big, black pupils roped in purple settled on Saffron’s lips. The fairy frowned for a fleeting second. “That does not exist here, that idea - weird. It is a human concept, invented to shame others. Why do you feel this shame?”

  Saffron bit her bottom lip. “I don’t know.” She thought about the fairy tales she grew up on. She thought about changelings and lost time. She thought about that fairy that may or may not have eaten a humongous beetle off of a pine tree. “Are you going to let me go back?”

  Li clapped her hands and threw her head back, her hair cascading like a fall of ice. She laughed. “We hold no one against her will.” She added with a wink, “We only take infants; you’re much too old!”

  Saffron snorted. “Oh, yeah, that’s right, fairies steal babies.” She hugged her knees to her chest. “I just can’t believe this is happening. It’s too unbelievable.”

  “Yes.” Li’s upper lip twitched. “Many of the creatures you have read about exist, but they do not necessarily live the lives you have been led to believe they live. Some of the creatures you have read about do not exist at all, but were invented by humans to…” Li looked heavenward, trying to come up with the appropriate words. “…to name a fear. To be able to tame the unknown and give something horrible an existence, so that, in turn, this horrible thing, with a certain form, might be conquered and destroyed by useless potions and ineffective incantations. Or, at the very least, the monsters can be put in a little, symbolic box and tucked away in the mind.”