Fairy Circle Page 7

  “No,” it escaped her lips as a moan. She clamped both hands to her mouth and pressed with all her might. She began to heave and sob beneath her hands while the players continued to laugh and moan, drowning out what little noises escaped her.

  The dream melted to black and Saffron almost woke, but not quite.

  She didn’t hear the sounds of the fairies tapping on her window. They giggled as they willed the panes to open and hushed each other as they flew to her bed, a thick, chill fog trailing after them. “Up, up, up! Open your mind to us and we’ll fly you away.”

  Saffron sat up and opened her eyes. Heat flared and grew within her. A great force filled her with such rapture she almost fell back, but instead she was separated. Her soul levitated to the ceiling; her body crumpled on the mattress. Air currents moved her ghostly form through the open panes.

  Her mother, snoring on a cot beside her bed, never moved. And, later in the night, when Audrey stumbled to the bathroom to pee, she paid no mind to Saffron, whose body was sprawled open-mouthed on the bed.

  Saffron was hazy-minded throughout the ride, but every once in a while, a dim smile lit her face as she watched the shadowy night beauty all around her. They touched down in the center of the clearing. Tonight, small flames flickered in place of the great bon fire that had blustered at the previous party. Her entourage kissed her cheeks and lips and smoothed her hair. The veins under their skin and other innards rippled with pleasure, their pupils soaked her into their black depths before they suddenly departed in a flurry of wings and iridescence.

  Slowly, strength and awareness returned to her limbs. She walked to the fire. There was snow here, but she wasn’t cold. Just when she started to feel silly, standing there all alone, Li emerged smiling from the dark of the trees.

  “I have had reason to retrieve you.”

  Through Saffron’s mind, there flashed a picture of a golden retriever nosing in a marsh clotted with cattails, mouthing a duck with a lolling neck. Retrieve? She literally shook her head at the image, as if rattling her brains would clear her head. She smiled sheepishly at the fairy as a child to her mother, when she is unsure of her mother’s mood. Li moved right up to Saffron and took a length of Saffron’s dark red hair between her fingers. Her nostrils flared as she strained for the smell of human girl.

  “You are disappointed to see me…it is Ny you were hoping to meet.”

  Saffron’s smile faltered, and here, the child in her knew for certain that her mother’s mood was tottering. She attempted to stutter around a response. But she had nothing to say and quickly closed her mouth.

  “Do not look so worried, Saffron! Of course you wish to see him.” But Li’s lips pressed in disapproval, only for a moment. She reached for Saffron again, to run her thumbs along Saffron’s cheeks. Under her own skin, Li’s cheekbones were visible.

  Saffron closed her eyes and breathed in the fragrance of the fairy’s white hair and white skin. Pine and milk, honey and rain.

  Li laughed. “Aren’t we a pair? Sniffing each other like animals that cannot smell! Come with me.” Li tugged Saffron’s hand. “Today, we are working.” She led Saffron out of the fire-lit glade and into a bright world full of lush, green foliage and the song of a thousand birds.

  “Working? Why?”

  “For pride.”

  “Why don’t you just zap things to be the way you want them?”

  Li laughed at this and shook her head. Finally, the fairy seemed to be relaxing, so Saffron did too.

  “What would it all mean without accomplishment? Should we sit around all day and do nothing but zap, as you say, our lives away. It is intrinsic. There is no life where there is not the ritual of effort. Do I wish my friend to visit? Pow! Whether she likes it or not, she is in the chair at my table. Do we want to share tea? Bling! The pot is steaming before us. Are we too lazy to swallow our treats? Bam! It is already in our stomachs. We may as well skip straight to Kapow. Now we do not exist because we did nothing anyway.”

  “Oh.” Saffron looked away, embarrassed.

  “Come along, curious one. I will show you the work we do around here.”

  They turned right, through a copse of fragrant citrus trees and moved down a narrow lane crowded on both sides with swirling vines and hot pink flowers the size of Saffron’s head, big hair and all. Every once in a while, the lane opened up to a yard. As they went along, the seasons changed, fading in and out at the edges of unseen boundaries. In one yard, it was spring in the morning. Down the road, it was fall at dusk. And though some had snow in their yards, it wasn’t cold.

  “It’s not cold.” Saffron realized she was hugging herself for no good reason and forced her palms down to the sides of her cotton pajama bottoms.

  “Goodness no, we are fairies, not martyrs!” screamed a high-pitched voice from behind her.

  Saffron spun around and there stood a stunning fairy with black, waterfall hair. The fairy dipped forward and pressed kisses all over Saffron’s forehead. Her hair thundered and sprinkled water on Saffron’s face and clothes. Saffron giggled and wanted to stick her finger in the waterfall hair.

  “Go ahead,” chimed the fairy as she took Saffron’s wrist and made Saffron poke her finger into the torrent.

  Li smiled her utmost patience smile and removed Saffron’s wrist from the other fairy’s grip. Li held Saffron’s hand as she spoke, as they walked. “We do choose to work here, it is true, but we prefer not to suffer!”

  “I’ve noticed that everyone is touchy-feely, too.” With her palm, Saffron sluiced water from her face and shoulders.

  Ny came strolling up the path, rolling a wheelbarrow, and looking like a god. His upper body rippled with muscle and sinew below his skin. Saffron frowned hard when she realized she was actually salivating.

  He dropped the wheelbarrow, and with big strides closed the space between them. He held her with his eyes, challenging her in a hold of unblinking wills. He stopped so near she could feel his breath.

  Saffron was confused. He looked younger than before, his skin changing even now until it was opaque, more human, so she didn’t quite see the veins working underneath. The black orbs of his eyes were tamer too, showing more cerulean around the rim than she remembered. She swallowed hard and suffered through the dual sensation of wanting to fall before him so he could take her in the path and furtively searching for a tool with which to gut him.

  “Ny.” Li murmured, “I can see you have something pressing to tell our friend. I will leave you for a moment.”

  Saffron saw the warning glance Li gave Ny as she moved away - a glance Ny met with his own smirking lips and simpering eyes. Li turned her head, pretending she hadn’t noticed.

  Ny widened his eyes, narrowed his pupils, and stood staring down at Saffron from under his long dark lashes. He reached up with one big hand to comb the flopping waves back from his forehead. When he brought his hand slowly back to his side, the hair sprung forward, right back into his eyes. “And when will you come here in body?”

  An intense heat swept through Saffron, flew up her neck, and singed her ears. She was so flustered she became angry. “I have to go now,” she mumbled.

  He made no sign of having heard her. She crossed her arms and studied a rock just off to his right. He didn’t look away. His smile of complete confidence didn’t dim. Saffron’s muddle-headedness grew as he took several long moments to stand there, letting his eyes peruse her body.

  She mumbled again. “I have a boyfriend at home, you know.”

  This caused a howl of laughter to explode from him and he threw his head back with glee. “What a little liar you are. Boyfriend, my foot.” He grabbed a big handful of her rusty red curls and pulled her to him.

  She stumbled, her face flushing in waves. Her entire body froze, her jaw clenched shut, and her mind screamed for him to stop touching her. Something about the possessive way he grabbed her hair stirred up a hornets’ nest within her.

  He released her hair and spoke low, “My joy at seeing you ag
ain, it is immeasurable.” His eyes softened as if he were about to cry.

  Saffron clamped her bottom lip with her teeth. She scratched the side of her neck. What was going on here? Why was he so freakin’ dramatic? He couldn’t have missed her that much since the night of the fairy party.

  He bent at the waist and swept his hand through a profusion of roses that grew along the dirt roadside. He just reached down, grabbed, and pulled. Thorns pierced and sliced up through his skin like a whetted blade through ham. The blood ran down his wrist and onto the stems as he handed the bunch to her. “Here.”

  She sucked breath through her teeth as she watched his blood drip.

  As if he only just realized what was happening, he looked down at his blood and simply said, “Oh.” Then just as suddenly as the blood was there, it was gone from his hand, his wrist, and the stems. He took a rose from the bunch, filed its thorns with his thumbnail, and tucked it behind her ear. As soon as his knuckle grazed the skin behind her ear, her eyes closed and she tottered at the heady smell of the rose and the hot, dry touch of him. When she opened her eyes, he was gone.

  There before her stood Li. She was not smiling. “Did he torture you too much?”

  “Why does he do that?” Saffron’s voice was rough, as if her throat had been brandy-soaked and massaged on a cheese grater.

  “Ny has a great need to be the center of every universe. You do not have to succumb to his act. Do not look into his eyes when he calls for you, even if he begs. Maybe then you will find it easier to retain some self-control. And with that, some self-respect, I daresay. It is best you do not play his game. Eventually, he will tire and try someone else.”

  Saffron felt dirty. “Okay.” She studied her fingernails. “Li, I’ve seen him before, you know, in my dreams….” Saffron fidgeted with the drawstring on her tank top. She felt so weird, as if she was having the “Birds and Bees” talk with her mother. Still, she decided to press on. It was time. She had to talk to someone about the dreams. She felt like she might be some kind of freak, a pervert, and she surely would never talk to her mother about it. She had the innate feeling that her mother couldn’t handle any more of her weirdness. So why not talk to a fairy - you couldn’t get any more weird or freaky than that.

  “He’s always with these women…” Saffron stopped. She looked around. Those women were probably close by, her with her big mouth. Now she was having second thoughts about telling a sister about the sexual acts of her brother, even if it was only a dream.

  Li was looking away from Saffron. She had sat on a tree stump when Saffron began and was absently running the silken cords of her dress through her thin fingers. Li’s face was strained. “It is most curious that you would have such dreams. Are you sure about them? Are you sure you saw Ny? His good looks are so generic after all.”

  Saffron hunched. She only really remembered the essence of him in the dream. Like when you dream about something that is yours, and you know in the dream that it’s yours, but you’ve never owned it in your waking life. “Maybe it wasn’t him.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

  In each dream, Ny looked slightly different. His skin shades varied. His features were always a little different, but somehow he managed to have a look somewhat the same each time. Maybe his blue eyes had more green in one dream, more hazel in the next. His hair was always dark and wavy or curly. His lips, always the same. His attitude - arrogance coated with a faint attempt at pleasantness, was steadfast from time to time. In each dream, Saffron recognized him instantly not by his looks, but by his presence.

  Li smiled. “Sometimes, dreams are just dreams, human child.” But now her wings hung low as if they were made of paper and someone had dumped a bucket of water on them.

  Just thinking of the dreams made Saffron feel slick and oily. She sighed. She swatted a fly that had come buzzing around her ear.

  Whether or not the fairy noticed the girl’s discontent, she made no mention - but instead took Saffron’s hand and once again led her down the lane, her white hair flowing out like a glittering flag behind her. She pointed here and there and explained those things that Saffron found curious. They didn’t talk about the dreams again. The subject hung in the air as if it was smog, quiet and poisonous. With each breath, they drew it deep inside of them.

  A fairy with golden hair and iridescent copper skin hung freshly laundered sheets on a line. A boy with flaming red curls, pert nose, and freckled cheeks mended his roof. A group of girls ran to Li and Saffron with cakes, buttered rolls, and sweet meats that they had just pulled from an outdoor oven. Some boys and girls sat fishing on the bank of a creek. Their wings glinted in the slanted fairy world light. Saffron looked again - maybe they were adults.

  The skin, eye, and hair colors differed, but each fairy shimmered - their insides pulsed under their clear skin. Saffron barely thought of their see-through skin now - she didn’t think it was so repulsive anymore. She saw beings she would describe as white, black, Asian, Mediterranean, Hispanic, and Indian – even alien with pitch-black eyes shaped like almonds.

  Then there were the others. Sky-blue-skinned fairies with pink hair, and golden fairies with white hair, and ocean-green-skinned fairies with silver hair. She gawked at them openly. Some even had patterns on their skin.

  Like the male she stared at now as he leaned against a tree, casting a devilish smile. He wore a woven hat that he tipped in greeting. The pattern on his skin was autumn leaves, striking reds and oranges, yellows and bronze. His skin glistened as if it had been rubbed with oil. His hair was jet-black, tied back with a piece of grass. The wings folded behind him were clear silver run through with many fine silver veins.

  Another fairy popped out at him from behind the tree. The popper startled him and he tripped on his feet. He lifted off for a minute, wings pumping fast before he settled down again. They laughed together as he lunged at his playmate. She had striped skin, like a zebra. He took her hand and they walked off down the lane. Saffron turned to Li with a look of shock on her face.

  “They choose such beautiful colors, don’t they? They would love to live this way for their human existence, like proud peacocks. They are called Vivids.” Li tilted her head. “Can you imagine if they were born on earth displaying skins of such hues and patterns? They would be annihilated, wouldn’t they? The human race still has trouble with the few skin colors it has. What if that was walking among you?”

  Li pointed to a being that was quickly making her way toward them on the path. Her skin was the pale aqua of the Caribbean Sea as it fringes the coast, glinting and reflecting the morning sun. Through her skin…fluids ran like waves from the roots of her hair down to her seaweed-green toes. Her eyes were electric violet and her hair was turquoise blue shot through with tendrils of lime green. She flexed her silvery wings and bared her teeth at Saffron. Saffron waggled her fingers, bewildered. Did she bare her teeth in greeting or in hunger? The fairy retracted her wings, stepped off the path, and disappeared into the wood.

  “Come. Sit.” Li showed Saffron a tire swing inside the thick greens of the forest. Her pupils bore into Saffron. Saffron hurried forward and sat quickly, never wondering why she rushed.

  “Maybe,” Li whispered, “you should stay close to home for awhile.” And although she spoke softly, Saffron received the true message from Li’s unblinking eyes and from the way the translucent skin of her face seemed to tighten up and pull back. It was a command.

  A puzzled line creased Saffron’s forehead. That was what she had always wanted to do - stay at home within the bubble of her family’s yard. No one before had ever encouraged Saffron to hide. They were always telling her to get out. Get out in the world! Stop hiding at home! It was nice to finally meet someone who agreed staying at home was actually good for her. But why was Li saying this? Why was she ordering this?

  For a second, Saffron felt all wrong. She felt like she was betraying her mother by listening to Li, and betraying her mother by just being in this fairy world. But then she narrowed
her eyes as she remembered her anger toward her mother. Audrey was always push, push, pushing and nag, nag, nagging. Saffron was absolutely terrified when she had to leave her home. Why couldn’t her mother see that and give her a break? What was wrong with staying at home? Society didn’t agree; was that it? She was always outdoors, rain or shine, so she was physically healthier than most people. She read every book under the sun - history and sci-fi, biography and fantasy, memoir and how-to. Non-fiction, from animal husbandry to the start of the cosmos. So, her mind wasn’t rotting. She cleaned the house from top to bottom - she was pulling her weight. Saffron couldn’t see what the problem was. Not everyone needed a social agenda to exist. She knew there were still tribes in the Amazon that never left their confines. Yet they were born, they lived, they died, no problem. Saffron kick-started the tire swing again.

  Here was Li, comforting her and telling her it was okay to stay at home. Agreeing with what Saffron had always wanted in the first place - to be cocooned within her space, to be left alone.

  Li put her hands on her hips. “Your mother is a lovely woman, but she does not understand you as I understand you.”

  Saffron flinched. She wanted to argue that. A weak bit of defiance floated up her spine and fizzled out. The squeezing in her chest demanded she defend her mother. But Saffron only hung her head and waited for the moment to pass. When it did, she was left with nothing but shame. “Too bad I couldn’t just stay here…” Saffron had no idea why she’d said that. She thought maybe it was because it was what Li would want to hear. She thought maybe she meant it. Why not stay and live in the fairy realm?

  Li’s eyes flashed. What Saffron saw there startled and unnerved her. It was greed in Li’s black eyes, desperate greed. Then, just as suddenly, Li’s eyes cleared and the big, black pupils were like that of a kitten begging for cream. “You cannot stay here after sunrise, my friend. Your mother will rise soon, reach to wake you, and think you dead.”

  Saffron gave a low gasp. “What do you mean, dead?”